Motherhood · Relationships

When It Doesn’t Go Your Way

This subject has been really heavy on my heart the past couple of months. I’ve been trying to sort my thoughts before I go into detail with you and want to share this in a way so that anyone (mom or not a mom) can relate. So here it goes!

When Lily turned 3 months old she would become irritated while breastfeeding. I thought it was her way of telling me she was finished, but then a few days passed and I realized she was still hungry but that breastfeeding bothered her. I took her to the pediatrician, talked to a lactation consultant and countless moms, joined breastfeeding support groups, took her to the pediatrician again, read countless articles, tried so many different methods, and nothing has worked. Thankfully, she takes a bottle, is gaining weight and very healthy. There is nothing really to worry about now. But, it has been emotionally, mentally, and physically wearing on me. I won’t go into all the details, but we decided after two months of this that it is best that I don’t eat dairy or soy and pump milk to bottled feed her. She is eating and happy, so we are thankful.

But I am going to be really honest with  you. I have cried so much over this. I never imagined we would have breastfeeding problems. I want to continue that bond of breastfeeding with her so badly, but it’s obvious that even though it’s what I want, it’s not for her good right now. It’s also frustrating that the problem isn’t clear to us which makes me feel out of control of the situation. That’s never easy.

I have had to wrestle with the way God is giving me to take care of her and feed her. It’s not my way. It’s physically exhausting to pump every few hours and then feed her and, clean up all the parts and prep for the next pump. It’s emotionally exhausting because every time I pump, I am reminded I can’t do what I want to do. And mentally it’s exhausting because my brain has been on a constant wheel of trying to figure out the problem.

In the past couple of weeks, God has been making it very clear to me that even though this is not what I want, it is what he has called me to do. If he wanted me to solely breastfeed Lily, he would have resolved the issue on our search of figuring out the problem. He is 100% in control of all things.

He has reminded me that often times, He does not give us what we want. It’s not because he is evil or mad at us. And it’s not because he doesn’t listen or care.

He doesn’t always gives us our way because HIS WAY IS BETTER.

And this feeding situation is only one of the many times that God has not given me my way because His way is better.

I remember feeling like this in middle school and a boy that I liked didn’t like me.

I remember feeling like this in high school when I didn’t make the volleyball team.

I remember feeling like this in college when a relationship didn’t lead to marriage.

I remember feeling like this after college when I didn’t get a job I wanted.

I remember feeling like this when I didn’t get pregnant when I wanted.

I remember feeling like this when I was pregnant, nauseous 24/7, and not able to enjoy anything.

No matter what season you are in, there will be something that doesn’t go your way. And once you’re past that situation, something else will happen that doesn’t go your way. It’s a harsh reality, but it is life, and you aren’t alone.

So, why does God do this?

Anything God does is for our good (Romans 8:28). So whatever God is doing in your life right now and you don’t think it’s the best way, it is! He is ONLY good.

His ways are higher than our ways, so we won’t be able to understand it. But we can trust Him in all ways (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Anyone can say that God is good when life goes our way. And it’s easy to trust God when He gives us exactly what we want (which He also does at times!). So, God also teaches us through not getting our way to trust Him in all things and to see His goodness at all times.

Reminder: Life is not about you! Nor is it about getting what you want. And if you think it is, you will forever be miserable.

The purpose of our lives is to bring much glory to God and to become more like Him. God does this through not giving us our way, but giving us His best way.

God has gently been reminding me of this with breastfeeding Lily even though I have gone through this lesson countless times already. Obviously I still have a lot to learn ;). But I can now say that I am SO thankful for the way that God is not giving me what I want because He is teaching me how to trust him more and to find joy in all situations, even the ones that I don’t like. 

And since surrendering this to God, I have been SO much happier and at peace even though it’s not what I had planned or desired.

Is there an area in your life that is not going your way? Is there something that you have been asking for, but you aren’t getting it?

Ask God to help you see His goodness through the situation and strive for excellence with joy in that because it is what He has given you for your good and His glory!




5 thoughts on “When It Doesn’t Go Your Way

  1. I went through the same thing with my daughter. I couldn’t pump either though. I had to stop cold turkey which is QUITE painful O.o
    My degree is in nutrition, so you know breastfeeding was drummed into me! It wasn’t until the lactation nurse came to my house and told me it was OK to stop that I let go. I took comfort in the fact that she got the colostrum 🙂
    I know your article was to a larger issue, and I thank you for sharing each of those specific disappointments. Great article.

  2. Hi Allison!

    I am a friend of Rachel’s and came across this post. I have a sweet 16 month old boy and we struggled with breastfeeding from the very beginning due to a tongue tie. I sacrificed a lot of my mental health for 10.5 months to make it work (I ended up just pumping after 6 months) and so I am very fresh and sensitive to the emotional battle new moms face on the topic of feeding.

    I just have to tell you that you are enough and perfectly chosen by the God of the universe for your precious girl (remember this every day!). I love that you are fixing your eyes on truth. Satan can use our emotions so easily to confuse and distort our thinking, but God’s word will ALWAYS hold true. You’re right, His ways are much higher than ours and He is able to magnify His strength in us through our weaknesses and disappointments. This feeding business feels HUGE when you are in the trenches of it, but it really is a small portion of our babies lives. Do what you can as long as you can but don’t forget to take care of yourself too (I’m sure others have told you this, but take it from someone who didn’t listen 😉).

    You are doing a beautiful thing for your baby, but no matter what or how it turns out, we are daughters of a sovereign God who only gives good gifts to His children, even when it is hard. And that is enough. He’s got this mama!

    1. Ashley, Thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me! I really appreciate it and so encouraged by it!!
      It’s so good to hear from other moms who had a hard time with this as well. I am so thankful that God is giving me strength to keep going even though it’s tough. Thank you thank you!!! I definitely need to hear from other moms like you!

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