Marriage · Relationships

How to Be Single

Yesterday I asked on my Instagram who was in middle school, high school or college. I was so glad to learn how many girls follow me who are NOT in my life stage. And it inspired me to address other life stages besides my own.

I was single for almost 25 years of my 27.5 years of life. I know the single life more than I know the married life (single meaning not married).

While I was single, I felt like my end goal was to find my God-given spouse.

In middle school, we began to learn and constantly hear talks on saving yourself(virginity) for marriage which I still didn’t really understand as a 12 year old.

In high school my dating life was a constant tug of do I date him even if I can’t see myself marrying him? Even though marriage is so far away and I can’t even go there mentally? So then should I not like anyone at all? But how do I control my feelings and emotions as a high school girl?!?

And then in college is when you’re “allowed” to date seriously because now you are only 4 or less years away from prime time to get married. So the pressure starts rising… especially when all your friends are dating someone seriously and you keep breaking up with guys (me) or can’t even get a boyfriend (also me). And then you graduate college with no ring, no job, all your friends have left you and it feels in a way like you failed even though you earned a diploma (woohoo).

So after college, your pool of potential suitors becomes MUCH smaller. Now when you go out ANYWHERE, even the grocery store or a coffee shop, you must be ready with your face on and a cute outfit because you never know who you will meet. And maybe you’ll have an awesome story to tell your kids of how you met your spouse.

This is all because we make marriage seem like the ultimate goal in every season until you finally get married.

This may be my #1 regret in life.

I spent too much time in my teens years and early 20’s concerned about what guy I wanted to date, what type of guy I wanted to marry, how many dates I was going on, if I wanted to be in my dating relationship, how my dating relationship was going etc. etc. etc.

Thinking about all things guys/dating/marriage distracted me from other things right in front of me that were more important than guys/dating/marriage.

Every girl I know becomes so enamored and infatuated by relationships at some point in their life. And that is not unexpected. God created everyone to desire a relationship and to want a loving, fulfilling marriage.

The problem is that we become so obsessed with it that it takes our focus and attention off of other things that are more important at the time. It also makes us sad and depressed when we become so focused on wanting to date or marry that when it doesn’t happen, it takes away our joy and contentment in life.

If I could go back to my pre-married self, this is what I would say:

God’s main purpose for your life is not to find your spouse and have a family. You can be just as happy and content now without a spouse as you will be when you do get married. So finding your spouse and getting married won’t make you happier.

Your joy is found when you keep your focus on Christ and do what He wants you to do RIGHT NOW. Like as in today.

Has he called you to a job? Do it with all your heart because this is God’s best for you today. He has a purpose for you being in this specific job on this day.

Has he called you to take care of or show love to someone today? Do that because God has loved you when you were super unlovable. You will find His love and joy by obeying Him.

Has he called you to go to school today? Do that to the best of your ability because God has placed you in that school for a very specific reason. He has you around your classmates for a purpose. Keep your eyes open… you don’t want to miss out on why God has you there.

Do you get it? Life isn’t about a relationship with a guy. It’s not about finding your spouse and getting married. Those things are great and pleasing to the Lord when you are following Him in the relationship, but it’s not ultimate.

And whatever season of life you are in right now is better for you than another season. God works all things together for your good!

The ultimate goal is to bring God glory in whatever He has called you to do TODAY. That is where you will find joy, love, satisfaction, peace and contentment.

Marriage doesn’t fulfill you.

Christ will ALWAYS fulfill you.


What is God calling you to do today?






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